Hell'z Talk Show!
by Malicious Adobescent
Summary: Welcome to Hell'z Talk Show! With our host Shena and Hao! Rated M for langauge and sex implied. Pairings vary!
1. Chapter 1

Ok... Malice here and back!!! I will be updating my stories Malicious Adobescent and the other one XD... But sense my sister is helping me with this one I must upload this one. There will be a chapter per weekday... Provided there are no plans for said day.

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Hell'z Talk Show! ((With a 'z' always with a z XD))

Watari: With our host... Hao and Shena

Shena: Why is Hao's name first?!

Watari: I mean Shena and Hao...

Hao: HEY!!!!

Watari: Our host... the hellions...

Shena and Hao: HEY!!!

Watari: Shut up and go on stage... the audience can hear us.

Audience: -blinking, confused, laughing-

Shena and Hao come out smiling and waving

Shena: Welcome to our show. Hao... introductions.

Hao: Ok Onee-chan! Here we have a lovely camera man Squall Leonhart... -points to Squall-

Squall: -waves-

Shena: Lovely?

Hao: -whispers to her- shhh... he doesn't realize he's doomed...

Squall: What?

Shena: -smiles- nothing.

Hao: Next up, we have our sercurty, Tori and our guard demon... neko thing in the straightjacket, Maxie!!!!

Maxie: -foaming at mouth, bites at random person-

Squall: ACK! -is random person- -whacks with camera- My contract said no pain till the end of the show... wait...

Tori: He's right... -zaps Maxie- SIT DOWN!

Maxie: -whimper, sit-

Shena: Anyway...

Hao: Well thats everyone... important somewhat...

Shena: For now... and for our guests... Miroku! Tohru! and Entai!

Guest come out. Tohru runs behind Hao. Miroku comes out drooling. Entei comes glaring at Miroku

Hao: -blinks at Tohru- ummm...

Shena: Wow these people hate each other already.

Tohru: -points to monk and pouts- HE GROPED ME!

Hao: -hits Miroku with iPod- No groping unless I'm doing it!

Shena: . -hits monk with zune- lechorous monk...

Entei: Why am I here?

Tori: Ummmm... Cuz we have these... -pulls out blood test for Shena to read, hands to Shena-

Audience: -confused again-

Shena: -eyes widen, takes and reads- Entei... you are... Hao'z and my father?

Entei: I have kids? I've had sex? Oo

Hao and Shena: Apparently so... -shiver-

Tori: Does this make him my dad too? O.o

Shena: Ummmm... well you came from me... and we have the same bloodline... so what the heck... sure

Entei: Wait a minute...

Miroku: -walks to Tohru and kneels- This is so beautiful... Kids finding their father... Tohru... will you bare my children?

Tohru: ummmm... if I say yes will you never grope me again

Shena: XX Tohru!

Miroku: AGREED!

Tohru: Ummm... yes...?

Hao: -whacks Miroku- No!

Shena: You baring his children involves much groping!

Tohru: Wait... AHH! -slaps Miroku-

Miroku: Ow... ah... slaps of love...

Hao: What are you a masco?

Miroku: As many times as I've been hit... yeeeah...

Squall: damn...

Shena: -dittos Squall- damn dude...

Hao: Where the hell is San- -interrupted-

Miroku: -covers Hao'z mouth- shhhhhh... She'll hear you... -eyetwitch-

Shena: SANGO!!! -calls-

Miroku: -pounces Shena- SHUSH! I'll give you anything if you don't call!

Hao: Sango!

Miroku: YOU TOO!

Hao: -grin-

Shena: -blink, blink- oo oh no...

Hao: Come to this address after the show -smirk-

Shena: Miroku... you have just become bisexual...

Miroku: -sweatdrop- damn... I swore InuYasha and Sesshomaru would be the last time 

Shena: InuYasha?

Tohru: Sesshomaru!!! -hearts in eyes-

Shena: Uh...

Tohru: I love that sexy man. Makes even me a fangirl...

Shena: What about Kyou and Yuki?

Tohru: What they don't know won't hurt them...

Hao: This is being boardcasted live worldwide... with re-runs... I'm sure they'll see it

Tohru: WHAT!!!! I thought it was only in Canada!

Shena: No... its made in Canada...

Canadian guards come in with guns and everyone is forced to sing Canadian anthem. They leave soon after

Entei: -blinks...-

Shena: Damnit! I'm not canadian...

Hao: Me neither... if it weren't for the budget cuts we wouldn't be here...

Tohru: Go the mexico.

Hao: Don't you mean go to mexico?

Entei: No mexico...

Tohru and Hao: but...

Entei: No mexico. -glare-

Shena: . When did you decide to become our father?

Entei: When the test said I was...

Shena: Damn blood

Hao: I can't believe my dad is a pokemon...

Tohru: At least he's legendary and kinda handsome

Shena: Thats turth... and it also explains our powers.

Tori: Maxie escaped...

Shena and Hao: WHAT?! WHEN?!

Tori: Ummm... after the guest first came out...

Shena: You let him out didn't you?

Tori: I didn't really lock the jacket if thats what you mean...

Hao: Why?

Tori: I was drinking coffee and I forgot..

Shena: -falls over- ACK!

Miroku and Squall: -getting chased by Maxie- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

Shena: -looks at- Go Maxie Go!!!!

Squall: I gotta record the show or else no rantings!!!

Hao: Damn...

Shena: damn... and the specail thing isn't set up because the monkeys killed the machines...

Hao: We'll be back after these messages...

Shena: Take it away Foamy!

Camera is all wobbly as everyone scampers to get a nude Maxie back in the straight jacket... except Tori and Hao who are now getting chased by Maxie

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Foamy: These are Foam-mercials!!!! First up we are expertising Name Brand Akatsuki Wear!

Shena's Voice: RETURN OF THE PIMP HAT!!!!

Itachi and Kisame: -come out with those funny straw hat thingys on-

Too sexy for my shirt is playing in back ground

Deidara and Tobi: -come out with underwear with red clothes on them-

Foamy: o.O Apparently there's underwear too

All females from show: SEXY! -drool-

Foamy: Get back to catching that nude bastard!!! -points to Maxie-

Maxie: -stops, pounces Foamy-

Hao: -catches Maxie who has Foamy in his mouth-

Shena: Poor Foamy...

Entei: Poor Foamy? Poor Maxie...

Foamy: -beats the living shit outta Maxie- THATS FOR TRYING TO EAT ME YOU INSANE ASSHOLE!!!! -walks away covered in drool- NEXT TIME I'LL NUETER YOUR ASS AND BLOW YA UP!

Hao: Back to the show...

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Shena: -Chokes while laughing- That was a very interesting commercial...

Hao: Interesting is right . 

Shena: Well,for all those veiwers who are just now joining us this is what has happened so far. 1) Miroku is still a perverted monk and is groping Tohru. 2) Hao and I just realized that a legendary pokemon is our father. -points to Entei-

Hao: Still don't see how that happened...

Shena: Me either but hey it's life. And (3) Tohru is raping a Sesshomaru plushie. -points to girl moving up and down on the wall,humping plushie-

Hao: What the hell? -stares at-

Tohru: Huh?! -turns around looking at them hiding plushie behind her back-

Tori: Way to go pulling off the innocent act Tohru...real nice . -sarcasim-

Audience: OHHHHH!!!! AHHHHH!! -takes pictures-

Shena: Hey!!! No pictures!!

Hao: To late...-hides his camera-

Entei: What the hell type of show is this?

Hao: HELL'Z SHOW!!!!

Shena: The type of show is in the title...

Tori: This show is basicaly about random hilarious shit that makes people laugh.

Squall: And or cry...-holds back tears from Maxie biting him on the ass-

Entei: Yeah...and it also makes no sense..

Shena: What do you think the word RANDOM means? . 

Hao: -walks over to Tohru- First of all Tohru...your doing this all wrong...

Tohru: I am? - looks up at Hao-

Hao: Yes..you are...

Shena: Hao don't give the girl lessons...

Hao: But she needs them...

Shena: Not from you!! You'd kill her...

Hao: -smirks- Speaking from experience huh Shena?

Shena: Silence pet!

Tohru: You two have a history together?

Shena and Hao: We do.

Shena:What of it?

Tohru: Wait...Aren't you two related?

Hao: Very mush so...-grins and turns his head toward Shena-

Entei: O.O...What the hell?

Shena: We are...

Miroku: O.O INCEST!!!!!!!

Audience: INCEST!!!!!

Audience Member #1: Was it mascohistic?!! o.O

Tori: The poor kidz who watch this show...-shakes her head-

Hao: It was. Oh believe me it was...-has stars in eyes from memory-

Shena: -hits Hao in the head with a giant fan- Stop remebering!!!!

Entei: And I'm related to you two how? . 

Hao: -gits hit with fan- Ow!!

Random masked figures comes in, which is Tobi and Deidara

Tobi: SHENA! HAO! WE ARE YOUR FATHERS!!!!!

Shena and Hao: o.O The hell?

Deidara: -sigh-

Tobi: NOW I SAY THE MAGIC WORDS TO MAKE YOU MARRY US!!!

Deidara: What the hell? -was just dragged along-

Tobi: ZEEKY BOOGIE DOOG!!!

Tobi and Deidara blow up

Tobi: WEEEE LOOKS LIKE THE AKATSUKI ARE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!

Deidara: Imma kill you Tobi!!!!

Disappear all team rocket like with a twikle in the sky

Hao: -blink, blink- Oooookay...

Entei: Now that was abit more believable than me being you guys father...

Hao and Shena: -leers over at Entei and hits him with giant fan-

Shena: Oh yeah! Believe that you big lion thing!

Hao: -walks off stage and drags Tohru to back room- Come dear...I'll give you some lessons.

Shena and Tori: That poor girl...

Miroku: Hey!!! Come BACK HERE!!!

Shena and Tori: -blinks in amazment-

Shena: You think he's going to stop him?

Tori: Maybe. He is a monk.

Miroku: I want to join you!!! -goes to back room with Hao and Tohru,closes and locks the door-

Shena and Tohru: -falls over- ACK!!!

Entei: -sweatdrop- Thats it! I'm not going on any more shows!

Maxie: -chases Squall and Foamy around-

Yuki and Kyo: OH NO YOU DON"T!!!!!!

Shena: Where the hell did they come from?

Tori: Japan?

Shena: I know that Tori...

Tori: Then why did you ask?

Shena: It was a hypothetecal question!!

Tori: Ohhhhh...why didn't you say so?

Shena: -sweatdrop- I didn't think I had too... . 

Yuki: Where is she?!! -walks over to Shena-

Shena: Wheres who?

Kyo: Tohru who else?!!

Shena: You could be talking about Squall or Maxie for all I know.

Yuki: No...Where'z Tohru?

Shena: Mousee!!! -hugs Yuki-

Yuki: Turns into mouse and looks up at Shena- Oh no.

Shena: -chibifies herself and chases him around-

Tori: There back there. -points to back room-

Kyo: Thanks...Uh...Girl.

Tori: It's Tori you stupid, orange, four-legged, flea biten mongrel. -says all calm like-

Kyo: Orange? Four-legged?? Fleas??? Mongrel????

Tori: Thats right.

Shena: -uncibi'z and covers Tori's mouth- That enough Tori...

Tori: - blink,blink- Fine...

Yuki: -poof of smoke,turns back to normal self-

Shena: OO -nose bleed- NUDE YUKI!

Tori: Just go get Tohru before she's penatrated...

Yuki and Kyo: Oh yeah -runs back there-

Shena and Tori: -follows-

Entei: -follows for the hell of it... -

Squall: -beaten Maxie with a candy cane- . How's that for minty...?

Foamy: -beating with a bagel- 

Maxie:

Back-stage, which the audience can see on a big screen on the stage for some reason

Yuki: -kicks open door- TOHRU! OO;

Nude Hao, Tohru, and Miroku, embranced in sexual sandwich

Hao: -looks at nude Yuki, grin- Wanna join sexy?

Yuki: OO -looks down- oh... ummm...

Kyo: -laughs-

Shena, Tori, and Entei: -laughing-

Yuki: -steals Hao's pants and puts them on- They're kinda big...

Shena: They weren't yours...

Hao: Just tighten the belt...

Kyo: .. Well... we're too late for this rescue...

Tori: -hugs Kyo- I want a kitty

POOF

Kyo: You just called me a orange four-legged flea bitten mongrel and you want a kitty?

Tori: Yes...

Shena: Wow...

Tori: -holds Kyo up against her boobs-

Kyo: I can think of worse places to be... . . 

Shena: Yeeeah... like inbetween her legs...

Kyo: How do you know I wouldn't like that? 

Tori: e.e hentai kitty...

Shena: I didn't know... I DON'T CARE!!!!

Sango appears out of nowhere

Sango: -evil red eyes- MONK!!!!!!! or should I say... HUSBAND!!!!

Everyone except Miroku: Husband?!?!

Miroku: Oh yeah... I married her . ;

Sango: -puts Miroku out of sandwich- I'M SO NUETERING YOU WHEN WE GET HOME! LITTLE MIMI AND LITTLE MARU AREN'T BEING BORN IF YOU KEEP THIS UP!

Miroku: -river of tears- TTTT But I didn't get to cum...

Tohru: Don't worry Hao will make it up...

Hao: I like this girl 

Shena: -grabs Hao and pulls him out- Stop converting people to the hentai side...

Tohru: -crys- I want Hao! ;-;

Shena: Then go find your own...!!!!

Hao: -Smirk- -likes being claimed and fought over-

Miroku: Lucky bastard... . 

Sango: -hits Miroku with a fan... a huge fan- If only I had the hirikostuz ((Screw spelling))

Miroku: TTTT

Entei: -sits and stares- If this is my family... I'm seriously scared... -- I shouldn't breed again...

Gaint bell rings

Shena: Oh our time is up. Hope you enjoyed the show...

Squall: -getting Foamy protection services- WHORSHIP THE FURRY ONE! At least until Amethyst gives me my weapons back...

Shena: On our next episode our guest will be... ummm...

Hao: Ah shit... Tori!

Tori: eh heh... forgot to invite tomorrow's guest...

Shena: DAMNIT! Well... until we get our guest... on a overnight flight! Thanks to Tori! We'll see you tomorrow on...

Everyone: Hell'z Show!!!!!

Squall: -turns off camera- x.x; I hate this show already...

Hao: Shut it... you get paid alot.. . 

Shena: And we can take it away... and it'll just be pain pain...

Squall: -goes home... quickly-

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Later that night...

Tobi: We've returned... o.o where'd everyone go?

Deidara: Its late you dumbass!!!!

Itachi: . They went home -coming outta nowhere-

Deidara: duh

Tobi: Oh darn... I want to show them this...

Deidara: what?

Tobi: -pulls out Zeeky bomb-

Bomb: Zeeky Boogie Doog.

All go boom

Tobi: YAY! THE AKATSUKI IS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!

Itachi: I'm going to kill you!!!!

Deidara: Not before me!!!!

They disappear into a sparkle in the sky, leaving the mess to a very upset Watari

Watari: I'll kill everyone on the show soon -- -proceeds to hire alchemist-


	2. Deadly Sibling Rivalrys

Hell'z Talk Show: Chapter 2: Deadly Sibling Rivalry... sweatdrop

Watari: Now introducing the hellions!!! -doesn't feel like hearing them argue-

Shena and Hao come out waving, happily

Shena: Welcome. We have a interesting show today...

Hao: -clears thoart- Note: There are helmets, shields, and healing potions under your chairs... there will be power battles in this show. You signed the contract so no sueing us... -bows- Thank you. -all polite-

Shena: Thank you Hao. And here today... we have are new director, our father, Entei. -gestures to Entei-

Entei: -sitting in big directors bean-bag chair, with a hat and sunglasses on- Yeah yeah yeah... . They pay alot... and I gotta keep an eye on... all of you... for the audience's sake...

Shena and Hao: Hey! We aren't that bad...

Tori: The hell we aren't... e.e

Foamy: Aren't you suppose to be on their side?

Tori: -never does as she 'suppose' to do... not on set anyway-

Foamy: Good point...

Shena: Anyway . Our guest today are all siblings as said in the title on the sign outside that NO ONE reads...

Hao: First up we have Dante and Vergil... you may remember them from Devil May Cry.

Dante and Vergil come on stage. Fangirls (and boys) get nose bleeds and attempting to get on stage-

Tori: -with long chain, lets Maxie out- BACK! BACK FAN-PEOPLE

Maxie: -eats a fan-

Shena: O.o there's a lawsuit... anyway... We also have InuYasha and Sesshomaru from the anime, InuYasha!

InuYasha and Sesshomaru come out, Tohru clinging to Sesshomaru's leg

Sesshomaru: GET IT OFF!!! -shakes leg- Putred human!!!!

Tori: Go get her Maxie...

Maxie: -eats Tohru-

Tori: Ummmm...

Shena: I'll fix that later...'

Sesshomaru: No don't... MY world is better without her

Hao: Mine isn't! -loses more fuck-buddies that way-

Shena: No Hao 

Hao: Anyway... and last but not least... provided they don't destory the set... Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha ! From the Uchiha clan in Naruto!!!!

Itachi walks out in normal Akatsuki cloak, Sasuke walks out in Oto-wear like in Naruto Shippuden (o.o most of us have seen the pictures and manga). Fangirls cry because they can't get pass Maxie to rape the smexeh ones. They all take a sit... separate each other. Younger ones on one side Dante, Sasuke, InuYasha and older ones on the other Vergil, Itachi, Sesshomaru.

Shena: Okay...

Vergil: Question...

Shena: yes Vergil...?

Vergil: What is 'smexeh'? I've heard it from millions of fangirls... and boys... and ummm... yeah... thats not how you spell sexy...

Itachi: Agreed...

Sesshomaru: Exactly. See... poor human schools... crappy education.

Shena: Ummmm... smexeh is a cuter way of saying sexy. Its on purpose...

InuYasha: Yeah idiots! I like being smexeh!

Dante: -poses- Of course... I have much more smexiness than any of you older peoplez!

Sasuke: ...

Fangirls stretches arms out at Sasuke cuz they like the evil silent type best! Some take pictures of the poses... yes They still loved Dante and InuYasha

Fangirl #1: YAOI! YAOI! YAOI!

Shena: NO YAOI!

Fangirls and boys chant: YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI. 90 of the audience

Hao: -chanting silently- yaoi... yaoi... yaoi...

Shena: Argh!!!

Dante and InuYasha make yaoi poses together

Shena: -takes pictures- O.o this is actaully hot...

Entei: This isn't in the script!!!!

Hao, Shena, Tori, and guest: There's a script?!?!

Audience: oO?

Audience Member #1: What happened to random?

Entei: Damnit! Random is deadly!

Audience Member# 2: But we're here for random! Not order!

Entei: .. eh... yeah... you were insane enough to be live here...

Tohru: -appears out of nowhere and tackles Sesshomaru-

Sesshomaru: GAH! Weren't you eaten?!?!

Shena: What the hell? Doesn't being eaten make you dead?

Tohru: The power of love knows no bounds!!!!

Hao: Apparently... one-sided love is stronger than love love...

Sesshomaru; !!! One sided is right!!!!! Go rape Yuki or something!!!!

Shena: She humps a plushie of you...

InuYasha: -blinks and laughs- XD You have insane fangirls!!!

Itachi: -looks around- Did anyone notice that Vergil has disappeared?

Everyone: -looks around- o.o

Tohru didn't look because she's too busy attempting to hump Sesshomaru

Shena: Foamy is gone to...

Hao: And Tori... o.O

Dante: Yay! I'm a only smexeh child!!!!

Shena: Thats it... I'm going back stage... I'll be back -goes back stage-

Sasuke: ...

Hao: -looks at Sasuke- don't you say anything?!

Sasuke: ...

Hao: other than that...

Sasuke: ...

Hao: Guess not... -walks to Sasuke-

Meanwhile backstage... Shena finds Vergil, Tori, and Foamy drinking tea

Shena: Oo Hey! We still have a show to do!!!

Tori: Oh yeah... forgot about that e.e

Foamy: You... are a forgetful bastard -points to Tori-

Shena: isn't she...

Tori: I know! And I love myself!

Foamy: Well... at least you know... unlike most who's stupid enough to deny it...

Shena: at least she likes herself too. -looks at Vergil- And what's your excuse?

Vergil: I got thristy?

Shena: e.e;;;

Vergil: What? Tori offered and I accepted. -looks at Tori- Remember you owe me more than just this tea...

Tori: -twitch, glare- I know...

Shena: the hell...?

Tori: Just remember... your hair stays down the whole time...

Foamy: Thats it... I'm going back onstage...

Shena: Making sex plans?

Tori: Who said sex?

Shena: just a assumption... it looks rather obivious...

Tori: Looks are deceiving -smiles and walks back on stage-

Shena: That I know -follows Tori, pulling Vergil along-

Vergil: -spills his tea- Ack...

They go back on stage to find it a reck and the audience backed against the corner, scared.

Shena: Hao what the hell happened...?

InuYasha: -glaring around for Sesshomaru- Hao is gone...

Shena: WHAT?! Gone where?!

InuYasha: Who knows... all I know is Sasuke and him talked and they left...

Shena: That man whore...

Foamy: e.e I'll come back when Foam-mericails start. -disappears-

Sesshomaru: -jumps down and hits InuYasha, not with a sword, but with Tohru-

Tohru: -still clinging to Sesshomaru- MARRY ME SESSHY!!! 3 3 3

Sesshomaru: NEVER!!!

InuYasha: -knocked out by a Tohru?-

Shena: -blinks- Tohru must be desperate.

Dante: -goes up to Vergil and chases him with a pink tutu- FEAR IT

Vergil: Oo -runs straight into a herd of fans- ACK!

Fans: OH VERGIL! WE LOVE YOU! -bombards him and takes all his clothes and accessories-

Vergil: -in his pink and black poka-dotted undies-

Itachi: -stares at Vergil- Oo You were those too?! I mean... ew you wear those... -sweatdrop-

Shena: What the hell?

Dante: -takes a picture so it can last much much longer- Best brotherly memory yet!!!

Vergil: Allow me to give you another 'pleasant' memory!!! -chases after Dante-

Dante: -Meep! Runs away-

Sesshomaru: -comes back, leaning on stick, leg cut off- o I had to severe my leg to get her off!!!!

Shena: -sigh- Manic!

Sesshomaru: Don't you mean mechic?

Shena: Yeah. Our doctor's name is Dr. Manic.

Crazied doctor, who happens to look like a taller Maxie, with a bigger top hat

Manic: Good day Shena meh dear -bows- Who am I taking care today?

Shena: -points to Sesshomaru-

Sesshomaru: OO I'm fine without the leg...

Itachi: . I think I like this guy... -eye rapes Manic-

Manic: Nonsense -grabs Sesshomaru- We'll have that leg back on you in no time...

Shena: Take good care of him Manic-kun -waves-

Manic: I shall dear Shena... -dragging Sesshomaru away-

Sesshomaru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Tohru: -appears with leg- TTTT Come back with my forced husband!!!! -chases after-

Sesshomaru: OO -looks at Manic and clings- DRAG FASTER!!!

Manic: You can come aswell Tohru Insert mental evil laugh 

Manic drags a crying Sesshomaru away and a happy skipping Tohru

Itachi: -sweatdrop-

Dante and Vergil: oO

InuYasha: -laughs- HAHA!!!

Shena: -isn't use not hearing a comment from Hao- Where the hell is that man-whore?

Watari: -appears- Would you like me to retrieve master Hao for you?

Shena: Yes... thank you... and Sasuke while you're at it.

Watari: -bows- I shall.

Shena: use whatever means nesscary...

Watari: I shall... -walks away-

Dante: We've lost two guest... and one host...

Entei: Xx I soooo hope we don't get sued for this...

Shena: We can't get sued... they signed the waver...

Tori: -sleeping- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Itachi: -eyes Tori- I swear she could marry Shikamaru and they would be very happy 

Shena: Agreed.

Dante: -randomly hugs and gropes Vergil- Read me a story daddy!

Shena: Daddy?!

Vergil: Oo I wish I was my father e.e;;; Of course... I would've never spawned this -points to Dante-

Shena: You never know...

Dante: Hey! I'm a good, smexeh son. And I kick monster ass!

InuYasha: -walks next to Dante- Yes he does... but he isn't the only one -stands proud-

Itachi: Poor excuse of a ass kicker InuYasha... I've seen you almost die several times... if not you... your girlfiend...

InuYasha: WHY YOU?! -lunges at Itachi-

Itachi: -gives death glare- Manekyou 

InuYasha: -dies-

Shena: -sighs and revives- Thats enough...

Dante: I want a cookie!!!

Shena: -gives him a oreo- here

Dante: Ooooooo

Oreo: -points at Dante- You plan to eat me huh?

Dante: OO -clings to Vergil- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SAVE ME I'M TOO BEAUTIFUL TO DIE!!!!

Vergil: O.o; -whacks cookie-

Oreo: -stands- is that all you got!?

Shena: wow... tough cookie -pune not intented-

Vergil: -runs from evil cookie- EVIL COOKIE!

Oreo: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!

Hao and Sasuke randomly come back without shirts.

Sasuke: So is that where my cursed cookie went...

Shena: -eyes them- you man-whores...

Hao: -picks up oreo-

Oreo: HEY!

Hao: -eats-

Oreo: ACK! -dies-

BOOOOOOOOM!!! Tobi appears with Deidara chained to him, and Kisame with cat ears on

Tobi: Prepare for trouble!

Deidara: -murmurs- make it double...

Tobi: To unit are people within are nation!

Deidara: To protect... yeah yeah blah blah...

Tobi: To denounce the evils of turth and love

Deidara: To extend our reach to the stars above

Tobi: -poses- TOBI!

Deidara: -idly poses- Deidara...

Tobi: Team Akatsuki blast off at the speed of light!

Deidara: Surrender or else... e.e;

Kisame: Rwar! Thats right! -toothy grin-

Everyone: Oo;;;

Shena: When did the Akatsuki fuse with Team Rocket?

Itachi: I have no clue...

Sasuke: -sweatdrop- this is dumber than Naruto...

Hao: ee agreed

Shena: Ditto,

Tobi: LETS KILL THEM ALL!!! -jumps down, pulling Dei and Kisame along, throws random bombs at people-

Deidara and Kisame:

Tori: -wakes up, sighs- ;;;

Shena: -dances around bombs-

Entei: Watari! Form-mercials... -dodges bomb- NOW!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Foamy: -bombs exploding behind him- Right... time for Foam-mericails. Now a word from our spouses...

Shena: Don't you mean sponsers? Oo

Foamy: Ummm... Tori typed the script wrong... anyway...

Shena: We don't have a script!! -cut off-

First Spouse

Foamy: SPONSER!

Oh... First Sponser

Alucard: Join the hellsing army today! You get training, a gun, and a bed. . And... maybe some food...

Seras: May include discomfort, sleepiness, death, random vampire bites, and light headed-ness.

Alucard: Join now! Or Integral gives me no sex for a year ;;

End

Shena: Poor Alucard...

Foamy: -eyetwitch- NEXT SPONSER!

Second Sponser

Momichi: Hi!!! Ummm... what are we selling?

Kyo: Peeps. . Rabbit shaped peeps.

Momichi: Ok! But rabbut shaped poops! Today!!!

Kyo: -pulls Momichi's ears- PEEPS! NOT POOPS! PEEPS YOU IDIOT!

Momichi: -crys- Kyo is picking on me!!!! TT

End

Foamy: We need more scripts...

Shena: We don't have scripts!

Foamy: Last Sponser!

Last Sponser

Ichigo: Hi! We're selling medical equipment!

Random kid: Mexico equipment?

Ichigo: MEDICAL! Buy it from Strawberry Palace.

Kid: Strawberry Palace?

Ichigo: Yes... the equipment is made of strawberries... don't ask just know it works...

Kid: Ummm... ok...

End

Shena: we need better sponsers ee

Foamy: I've been saying THAT FOREVER!!!

Shena: Silence little rat!

Foamy: -points- don't you have bombs to dodge?!

Shena: Oh shit! -dodges bombs-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Set is destoryed, only thing standing are the guest's stands and a small portion of the stage. Tobi holds last bomb

Deidara and Kisame:

Tobi: HERE! I will destory you all!!!!

Bomb: -wakes up-

Deidara: Oh crap... --

Bomb: Zeeky Boogie Doog!!

BOOOM

Tobi: YAY! Team Akatsuki are blasting off again!!!!

Deidara: DIE TOBI!

Kisame: This wasn't in the contract!!!

Disappears into twinkle

Everyone: Oo'

Shena: Last bomb and it blew them up...

Sasuke: What was the point of there visit?

Shena: -shrugs- I don't know.

Hao: No one know's...

Tori: Sadly...e.e

Entei: -sighs- New Set!!!!

A team of alchemist come out of a black hole and transmute a new set.They leave soon after.

Hao: NOOO!!! STAY WITH ME ROY!!! BURN THINGS WITH MEEEEEE!!! -crys- TTTT

Shena: -glares over at Hao- I'll burn something with you right now. -evil grin-

Hao: Eep! No thank you...

Shena: Then stop thinking with your balls and think with your brain.

Itachi: Not afraid to be sexual I see...-refers to Shena-

Shena: That wasn't sexual...

Itachi: Sure it wasn't . 

Shena: It wasn't. . 

Sasuke: -walks over to new set and sit down-

Hao: -follows Sasuke and stands behind him.-

Vergil: -chases Dante with a purple tutu- FEAR THE PURPLENESS!!!

Dante: -runs like all hell- x.x

Sakura and Ino come out of no where and fun over to Sasuke and Hao with an evil glare

Sakura and Ino: HEY!!! YOUR TAKING OUR SASUKE!!!

Hao: I don't think so.

Inner Sakura: CHA! THAT COCKY BASTARD!!

Sakura and Ino: Yes you are!!!

Hao: I didn't take him...He took me. -evil grin-

Sakura and Ino: -Gasp and faint- XX

Shena: Are you gay? -looks at Sasuke-

Sasuke: For all they know...I am . 

Shena: Works for me...Watari...get them out of here please 

Watari: -slides in- Yes ma'am. -slides out with both girls over his shoulders-

Entei: Where do all these EXTRA people come from?!

Shena and Hao: From out of the randomness?

Entei: -falls over with sweatdrop over his head-

Dr.Manic comes out

Manic: -clears his throat- I present to you...Seshtro!

Everyone: Sesshtro?!

Shena and Hao: What the hell is that?

Manic: THIS!!! -pulls Sesshomaru with Tohru's head connected to his shoulder-

Sesshomaru: GET IT OFF!! GET IT OFF!!!

Tohru: -kisses Sesshomaru on the cheek constanly- I'LL BE WITH YOU FOREVER!!!!!! -evil laugh-

InuYasha: -dies again...laughing- x

Dante and Vergil: -stops running and falls on floor laughing-

Shena,Hao and Sasuke: -Chuckles lowly-

Itachi: -blinks and takes pictures-

Sesshomaru: He never did replace my leg!!!! -has a Wong person as a leg-

Everyone:- laughs-

Shena: - revives InuYasha-

InuYasha: -lives-

Bell Rings

Shena: Well..thats it for todays show...

Hao: See you next time on...

Everyone: Hell'z Talk Show!!!

Shena: On our next episode...We'll see if Sesshomaru gets to be his self.

Sesshomaru: AND AWAY FROM HER!!!! -points to human scum on his shoulder-

Hao: Our guest for our next show is...-turns to Tori-

Tori: A speacil guest and normal guest . 

Shena: Thats not helpful!!!!

Tori: It's not?

Shena and Hao: NO!

Tori: Oh...Oh well...

Shena and Hao: -fall over-

Entei: I can't believe people watch this show...

Itachi: Me either,but it's fun...

Squall: -safe for once- That was a change...-turns off camera-

After camera is turned off Maxie comes up from behind and bites Squall in the ass. And we all live Happily Ever After. Everyone except Squall...and Sesshomaru anyway...


	3. L, Pies, and Join the Akatsuki

Hell'z Talk Show: Chapter 3: Join The Akatsuki!!!!!

Watari: Welcome everyone to another episode of...

Everyone: Hell'z Talk Show!!!

Shena: Today we have a specail show and sign thing going...

Hao: And here's our guest the Akatsuki!

All the Akatsuki members that could come, come out. Itachi, Kisame, Deidara, Sasori-who's still alive in THIS show-, Tobi, Kakuzu, Hiden, and Zetsu

Shena: Welcome all of you!

Hao: -signing up for Akatsuki-

Shena: Hao! No!

Hao: Awwwwh... but...

Shena: Awwwwh but my ass... -takes sign up sheet-

Hao: -pouty-

Zetsu: -pokes Hao- Aren't you forgetting something?

Hao: Huh?

Zetsu: Leader...

Hao: Oh! Yeah! -Runs backstage-

Shena: o.O What the...?

Itachi: The leader... hates to show his face...

Shena: Oh...

Hao: -comes out with projector, plays with the switches and the buttons-

Entei: -sigh- Its the little green button... its says ON!!!

Hao: Oh yeah... -presses green button and a projection of leader sitting in one of the chairs comes up-

Shena: Ummm... welcome... Leader?

Leader: Thats Leader-sama to everyone here!

Tori: . ; Sama my ass...

Kisame: Leader-sama... why are we here?

Deidara: Yes I wonder the very same thing.

Tobi: Dei-Dei should be happy that we aren't blasting off today.

Deidara: -glare- Yes and Tobi should be happy that I won't have to make you into 'art'

Tobi: -meep-

Leader: -cough, cough-

Kisame: Ummm he wants to speak.

Deidara and Tobi: Gomen nasai.

Shena: Anyway... you have an announcement for us Leader?

Leader: Yes I do. -Stands up and holds his hands out in the air- My people! I offer you a deal of a lifetime! To give your life for my cause!!! Join the Akatsuki and you will be paid! Given free room and board! And all you have to do is die when I tell you.

Everyone: -awkward silence, blinks- Oo;;;;

Leader: And you get free donuts...

Audience: Ooooooooooooo donuts... Stupid audience

Shena: -sweatdrop- No thanks... I'll pass

Entei: me too...

Itachi: -stands up and sighs- And I'll... -groans-

Leader: -eyes Itachi- Dooo it...

Itachi: I'll have sex with any fangirls or boys... which I perfer -less pregnacies- That join in full.

Shena and Tori: OO

Shena: You would have sex with someone who could have a disease just so they can join and die?

Tori: They're pawns!

Itachi: shhhh -whispers- I'm not really gonna do it --;

Tori: Ooooo...

Shena: -nods- they are stupid enough to believe you.

Fangirls and Fanboys: -signing up faster than Homer Simpson can eat a donut-

Hao: -with fans-

Shena: ACK! -grabs Hao by ears- No you don't... now I know you aren't dumb enough to believe Itachi...

Hao: No... I just wanna be a bad pawn and watch all the other pawns die.

Shena: As tempting as that may sound... how will your show get ratings if all your fans are dead?

Entei: The smarter ones... -notes the 5 that are in their seats-

Shena: -- 5 ratings comparied to the 100000's we've had before?

Entei: Good point...

Hao: o.o -raises hand- Leader-chan...

Leader: -falls over from hearing 'chan'- 

Hao: Ummm... can we not kill our fans...?

Shena: That would be... very... helpful -nods-

Tori: I'll join if I can marry Deidara and Itachi.

Shena: TORI!

Tori: What?

Shena: ONE! only marry one...

Tori: -has impossible time picking- ;-;

Itachi: . ;;; Ummm...-wonders if he minds-

Deidara: o.o If I marry you Tori would you be able to handle the constant explosions?

Tori: -grin-

Shena: I'd pay for explosions! Explode her now!

Tori: ;

Tobi: -throws bombs at Shena and Tori- BOOM!

Shena and Tori!!! -dodges bombs-

Deidara: Hey! I may wanna marry that! -points to Tori-

Itachi: Marry me and there's no bombs... and especailly... no Tobi...

Tobi: -pouts all cute like- but Tobi a good boy...

Shena: . You two are actaully gonna fight over my inner self?

Deidara and Itachi: yes.

Tori: Oo -didn't expect that, but likes it-

Shena: Have fun. -walks backstage, sits in chair, drinks tea-

L: -comes out of nowhere-

Hao: Oo

Shena: -peeks from around corner- L's here...

Hao: -pounces and loves on L-

Shena: No sex... -glare-

Hao and L: of course not... -grins-

Shena: Yeah right... whatever.

Kakuzu: -selling random stuff- Makeshift weddings! Come get your makeshift wedding!!! Hiden will be your preist...

Hiden: The hell I will... -medititates-

Shena: Manic! Did you finish it yet?! Please tell me you did... -getting sued by Fruits Baskets and InuYasha creators-

Hao: -Also in those lawsuits- HE BETTER BE!

L: -watches and eats strawberry shortcake- o-o

Zetsu: -has gaint plant thing closed, has sign saying, eating human flesh now. Go away. Don't come back-

Manic: ITS ALIVE!!!

Hao: There better be two its...

Shena: Ditto.

Random blob like pokemon comes out from behind Manic

Ditto: -talks like mafioso- Someone call me?

Shena: No.

Hao and Manic: Oo

Ditto: All right... call me without meaning again and find yourself in a puffy pinky hot pinkfulness room... -goes away-

Shena: Is that a threat you stupid blob!!!

Ditto: Nope a promise.

Hao: -flushes the blob before the damn thing could say anything about him- e.e

Shena: DITTO DITTO DITTO

Hao: Its dead now Shena.

Shena: It'll be back -glares at tiolet-

Itachi and Deidara: -fighting with french bread-

Tori and Maxie: -watches-

Tori: -eating spagetti-

Maxie: -eating a arm-

Sasori: HEY! Those are my breads!!!

Deidara: Awwwh but Sasori-danna! We won't break them...

Itachi: -breaks bread-

Sasori: -glares at Dei-

Deidara: Well nothing will happen to this one... -pulls hand from behind back to reveal that he didn't have his bread- Uh oh...

Sasori: -looks around, then at Tori- Where's my bread?!

Tori: -eating broken bread, points to door leading outside- Maxie went outside with it.

Sasori: Oo -runs outside to retrieve whole bread-

Maxie: -using bread sexually with a squirrel- ((Just imagine...))

Sasori: OO ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Foamy: -points to the squirrel and Maxie- This... this shit is nasty... WORSE THAN JIGGLY BUTT!!!!

Deidara: Hey I liked the jiggly butt.

Maxie: -holds up sign to Foamy saying 'at least this isn't you-

Itachi: -blinks- that sign has a point...

Foamy: Better not be me...

Sasori: My bread... -eyes Itachi then Deidara-

Deidara: Sorry Sasori-danna...

Sasori: -looks at Itachi-

Itachi: If you're looking for a sorry... ya lookin' in the wrong direction...

Sasori: -glances at Tori-

Tori: . Don't look at me.

Sasori: -looks at Maxie and squirrel-

Maxie: -blinks, eats bread and squirrel-

Shena: -comes out- What the fuck is happening out here...?

Itachi: Nothing out of the norm... for this place.

Alot of moans can be heard in the background

Itachi, Dei, Sasori, Shena, Maxie, and Tori: Oo;;;

Tori: I'm not going in there...

Shena: -is host... has no choice because Hao can't be trusted alone- Damnit.

Itachi: -walks back and looks-

Deidara and Shena: -follows-

Hao: -staring-

L: -staring, tongue on strawberry, looks dazed-

Shena: -looks at audience- THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????

They see Kakuzu selling posters of anime characters and sex toys to the audience

Hao: I had nothing to do with this for once... OO

Leader: . Thats just like Kakuzu...

Shena: And you didn't stop him?!

Leader: How?

Shena: YOUR THE LEADER!!!

Leader: Oh yeah...well its not as bad as what he's doing...

Shena: huh? -looks up and sees Zetsu chanting random words in sleep and a whirlwind starts building up-

Hao, L, and Deidara: Woooooow...

Itachi: can someone wake up Zetsu please...

Random Voice: I'LL DO IT!

Everyone: -looks behind the audience-

There stood Superman, he flys into whirlwind and dies

Audience Member #1: ITS A BIRD!

Audience Member#2: ITS A PLANE!

Hao: Its dead...

Itachi: There krytronite in there...

Shena: Oo

Squall: -comes out with gunblade- I'll stop it! -runs into whirlwid, dies-

Shena: Yay!

Hao: -does happy dance with Shena-

More Random Voices: WE'LL DO IT!

The alchemist who fix the set come in though black hole

Hao: Yay! Roy!

Blackhole: Lets go together Alchemtist!

Roy: Blackhole... -starry eyed- you don't have to

Blackhole: But I must... for my friends...

Alchemist: -All teary-

The alchemist and the blackhole run into the whirlwind... and die

Entei: Damnit... now I need new stage repair people...

Shena: Should I go?

Hao: No... you'll die... you are needed

Shena: Okay... L would do better

L: Oo huh?

Shena: Yeah go L...

More random Voices: WE'LL D---- -interrupted-

Hao: Just go ahead and die already...

CIA goes in and dies

Hao: -shakes L- go kill it...

L: -sighs and gets up- alright... alright... -walks over to it causally-

Shena: And what can L do?

Hao: Alot

L: -pulls out a keylime pie- Keylime of death... -says all casual like and throws into whirlwind, it dies... the whirlwind that is-

Everyone: oO -again-

Superman, Blackhole, Alchemist, and CIA drop to floor

L: You all are welcome and dismissed. -picks up keylime pie, which survived- Thank you my friend... -eats keylime pie-, looks all sad-

Shena: -tilts head- What's wrong L?

L: I miss the keylime pie...

Shena: Then you shouldn't have ate it.

Leader: I DEMAND! We have a funeral for this pie!

Shena: A funeral for a pie?!

Hao: Splendid idea! 

Shena: It is?

Itachi: Yes... I remember my first pie funeral...

Kisame: Hai. A right of passage for all...

Everyone: -agrees-

Shena: Wait... we're having a funeral for a pie! A freakin' pastry!!!

Leader: A GREAT PASTRY!!!

Shena: Its a pie! Pies die! They get eaten!

Superman: But this one saved lives!

Shena: Aren't you suppose to be dead?!

Hao: The creators of the story can't kill characters without bring them back...

Shena: We're having a funeral for a thing thats suppose to be eaten!!! If thats the case... you might as well have a funeral for everything that you've eaten!

L: Its a specail pie...

Shena: Its keylime pie! What's specail about it?!

Sasori: The creator declares it so. -points to person typing this-

Anna: huh?

Raven: -agrees with her character Shena!-

Shena: Yay creator.

Tori: HEY! -zaps creators- back to the keyboard!

Anna and Raven: ACK -zapped! Goes back to typing-

Tori: hm... -goes back to sleep-

Leader: Right... lets get ready for the funeral!

Shena: We don't need a funeral for a freakin' pie!!

Hao: To Foam-mericals! So we can get ready.

Shena: ITS A PIE!! -being dragged away by Manic-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Foamy: -staring, sighs- Poor pie.

Shena: -in background- ITS A PIE!!!!

Foamy: No respect . Now for our first spouse

Shena: -in background still- SPONSER!!! AND ITS STILL A DAMN PIE!!! -pulled away-

First Sponser

Kisame: Kisame here! Also one of the seven legendary swordsmen in the mist! Are your summers hot?

Random thing: Yes!

Kisame: Are you summers annoying and sticky?

Another thing: Oh yeah.

Kisame: Then come on down to Bit'N'Die Swamp... I mean... Love-N-Sugar Lake. -hides muddy swamp pic with shining lake-

Things: oooooooooooooooo

Kisame: Fresh water and shark free... Come and see!!!! Oh.. and all respects to the Keylime pie.

End

Shena: ITS A PASTRY!!!!

Foamy: some one sedate her...

Manic: -sticks Shena with a large needle-

Shena: ACK! Ooooo colors...

Foamy: Second and last sponser.

Shena: SPONSER... oh wait... you said it right...

Second Sponser

Shippo: Shippo here... and I'm here to give you a great offer... -looks to Naraku- You sir... have you ever dreamed of going to the moon...

Naraku: Moon?

Shippo: Yup. Good for world domination.

Naraku: How so?

Shippo: Just go into this strawberry spaceship. -points to wet, strawberry made spaceship-

Naraku: o.O That doesn't look safe.

Shippo: Come on... a strong demon like you deserves the best.

Naraku: Hmph. You're right... about time someone saw my greatness... -floats into ship-

Shippo: -presses button and ship door-

Naraku: HEY ITS DARK IN HERE! And the inside is rotted...

Shippo: -presses another button and the spaceship goes off into the air-

Naraku: HEY! -disappears into the distance-

Shippo: So if you want your very own strawberry spaceship come to Strawberry Palace... serving your every strawberry needs.

L in background eating merchise

End

Foamy: Now back to the funeral of a great woman...

Shena: IT HAS A GENDER NOW?!?!

Manic: -drags her back-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Room is dark, everyone is wearing black robes with lime colored crosses, The cast is around a little pie coffin and the audience is singing gospel while holding candles. Shena chained up, glaring at pie coffin

Shena: Your a pie and you get more respect than I do!

L: Shhhh... respect the pie...

Shena: NEVER!

Entei: -in presit robes- We have come to honor the death of this pie...

Shena: ITS A DAMN PIE!

Hao, Itachi, and Deidara: -sniffles-

Itachi: What a great ninja...

Shena: IT WAS A PIE! IT COULDN"T BE A NINJA!!!

Leader: Yes... he could have been hokage...

Shena: IT WAS A PIE!!!

Squall: o.o -agrees- this is stupid...

Shena: -can't believe she's saying this- THANK YOU!!!

Everyone else: shhhhhh...

People line up and start putting limes on the grave. They're suddenly in a space station

Shena: Oo What the hell!?

Entei: We now release this donut into space to be with its breathen...

Shena: Breathen? Donut? Where the hell donut came from?! ITS A PIE!!!

Coffin is released into space and suddenly everyone is in a chapel. Shena is in a wedding dress and the pie is next to her

Shena: ITS A PIE!! I DO NOT MARRY PIES!!! Or any pastry!

L: How about a sandwich?

Shena: NOOOOO!

Suddenly they are in Shena's house, nude

Hao: O.o Now I like this...

Shena: ACK!!! GET OUT!!!!

Xian: -appears from bedroom- how was the orgy?

Shena: WE HAD A ORGY?!?!

Suddenly everyone is back on the set, with clothes on

Shena: I'm not even gonna say it...

Everyone: -are now keylime pies-

Shena: YOU'RE ALL PIES!!!

Meanwhile in the real world

Shena: -fainted- Damn... pies...

L: -still eating pie- She just fainted when Manic accidentally stuck her with the needle

Shena: -wakes up, sees pie- UNCLEAN!!!! -gets brabed-wired bat and beats pie- DIE!!!

L: Oo;;; I was eating that...

Shena: NO PIES! NO PIE FUNERALS! NO SPACE STATIONS! NO PIE MARRIAGES! NO NUDITY OR ORGIES IN MY HOUSE!!!!! NO MORE PIES!!!!!!! -pants-

Suddenly gaint blueberry comes in with a short man in red clothing and green spiky hair chasing it

Pie: OLD MAN RIVER!!!!

Azure Kite: DIE!

Shena: -eyetwitch, joins Kite- PIE MUST DIE!!!

Suddenly the strawberry ship comes in and crashes into the set and everyone goes flying into the sunset with Kite and Shena beating pie

Tobi: Looks like everyone is blasting off again!!!!

Everyone goes off into a twinkle and lives happily ever after... I think

behind scenes

Anna: You think happily ever after?

Raven: Its a pie... no one ever lives happily ever after with a pie! Except Yoko.

Anna: Oh yeah... Ok -goes to pie funeral-

Raven: IT DIDN'T HAVE A FUNERAL!! ack! -falls over- Scr ew it...


End file.
